Where is the hickey?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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