Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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