I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
