I showed him my bush... on skype.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
