I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
