At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
