I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize