Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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