i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
