he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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