She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
