pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
