my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
