my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
