i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
