Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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