I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
