i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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