i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
