how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
