if you like me you must not know who I am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
