there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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