I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
