Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
