imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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