how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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