i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
