omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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