Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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