you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
