He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
