when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
