i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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