So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
