this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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