It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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