i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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