Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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