I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
