I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize