So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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