i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
