Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
