I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
