i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want a musical about memes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize