There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
