We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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