Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
two words...techno handjob
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
