I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
