No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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