i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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