I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
