good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize