I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
