Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
