why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
