well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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