I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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