um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
