my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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