My balls are so social today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
