3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
