if i can run in heels then i can drive
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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