I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
