he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
