so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everyone says I win the strip club
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i believe in u and ur pee
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
