I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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