She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
