Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
did i just pee glitter
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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