Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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