Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
