I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
