Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My life is pants optional.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
