wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
