she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
