my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
