I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
