I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They are going to name an STD after you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
